I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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