I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
