i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
