idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
