weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
