Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
