Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
