Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
