Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
