I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
