Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
