So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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