I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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