dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
