if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
