just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize