those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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