In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
