Sacagawea was the original milf.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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