i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
