I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
