Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
