haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize