It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
