have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Congratulations! We have a period
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
