I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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