Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
