me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
