dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
