I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize