Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You're like the curious george of whores
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
