You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just pee around me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
