We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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