Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
