he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
