I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
