Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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