I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
