my sisters under your porch take her home
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
