isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
