I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
