I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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