Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
