That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
