I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
