You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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