i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
