Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize