Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
