So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
