This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
