I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
