DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
