just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
