you would pick up someone in the library
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
