Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found puke in my bra..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
