He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
