My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
