Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
