worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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