I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
