I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Never underestimate the power of titties
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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