how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
