maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
