Can i not drive my cunt home
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
