he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
