Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
