Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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