In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
