If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
