At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
